I think my fart just growled at me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
