weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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