Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
