if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
