Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Damn victory sex feels great
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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