I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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