No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
