Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
