Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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