Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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