ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
