I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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