I will die if light touches me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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