did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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