He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
