I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
