I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
