It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What a dumb baby whore.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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