my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
