i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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