there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
