Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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