Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
