Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
