Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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