worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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