I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
