You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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