I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
