This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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