i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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