These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
