I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
