sarcasm needs its own font
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
