You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
