we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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