Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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