Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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