Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
