i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
