My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
