I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
