She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
being pregnant is like rehab
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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