Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
