if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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