This gyro tastes like lonliness
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
