Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize