Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
