this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
