Having a random hookup so left but love u
wanna go halves on a baby?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
