my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This house was built for laser tag.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
