tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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