You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What a dumb baby whore.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
