I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
