so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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