I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize