Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
