I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
