Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
