Sry I called you an 8
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
