i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
