i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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