Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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