he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
