I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
