i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
