Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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