I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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