Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
