Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize