went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
