We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
