Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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