We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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