But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
