I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
